What The Eye Doesn't See
by Katt9966
Summary: A series of song fic which look at each episode of the show through slash tinted glasses.
1. Chapter 1

Series Title: - What the Eye Doesn't See…

Author: - Katt

Rating: - G (R eventually)

Pairing: - McShep

Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know

Disclaimer: - I own nothing, intend no infringement – please don't sue me.

Author's Notes: - A series of song fic which look at each episode of the show through slash tinted glasses. The song "All Mine" is performed by Portishead and written by Geoff Barrow and Beth Gibbons.

All The Stars May Shine Bright – Rising 1 (John's POV)

_"All the stars may shine bright_

_All the clouds may be white_

_But when you smile_

_Oh how I feel so good_

_That I can hardly wait_

_To hold you_

_Enfold you_

_Never enough_

_Render your heart to me_

_All mine…_

_You have to be."_

It was all the fault of that damned chair. If he'd never sat down in it, if he'd listened to Doctor Beckett, he would've merely looked around the top secret base, watched the scurrying scientists and then just ferried General O'Neill back to McMurdo. His life would be nice and uncomplicated, cause if there was one thing McMurdo was, it was uncomplicated. All he had to do was fly where they told him to, carrying whatever or whomever they told him to – simple. John snorted softly to himself, when had his life ever stayed "simple" for too long?

He just had to have this "special" gene and as he'd sat down in that chair and it had leaned back he'd felt the hum of power it exuded resonating throughout his entire body. Then he'd made the stars dance above his head. Then he'd first seen Doctor Rodney McKay's face light up in scientific wonder as John had taken a trip through the solar system and beyond and he'd been smitten.

Yep, never simple.

_"From that cloud, number nine_

_Danger starts the sharp incline_

_And such sad regrets_

_Oh as those starry skies_

_As they swiftly fall_

_Make no mistake_

_You shan't escape_

_Tethered and tied_

_There's nowhere to hide from me_

_All mine…_

_You have to be."_

Gazing out over the water John let the colours and sound of the park wash over him. All so far away from Antarctica, no glaring white and freezing temperatures here, and no sarcastic scientist thrusting alien artifacts at him demanding he activate them with his gene. John felt the coin in his hand dig into the flesh of his palm as he clenched his fist tighter around it.

This could be the chance of a lifetime. Travelling to a new galaxy full of discovery and adventure, or it could be a one-way ticket to a slow and painful death. The choice was his, although General O'Neill had made it clear several times what decision he'd make in John's place. But while he had no real ties here on Earth John wasn't sure he was prepared to leave it all behind – possibly forever.

Unable to decide John had chosen to leave it up to fate. After all it had been fate that had meant Hamilton had gone down with stomach flu the day he'd been scheduled to fly O'Neill out to the Ancient outpost and John had been given the assignment instead. It had been fate that made him decide to sit in the control chair, and fate that had decreed he should posses the Ancient gene. So it seemed somehow appropriate that one of the most important decisions of his life should be decided by the toss of a coin.

_"Heads I go," _he thought _"tails I stay on Earth."_

Flipping the coin John looked down at it as it lay in his hand, fate mapping out his future.

"Tails, I stay." He murmured quietly to himself.

With a frown he stared down at the small disc of metal and in his mind's eye all he could see were a pair of wide blue eyes and a crooked mouth. A mouth that could break out into one of the widest, most genuine, smiles John had ever seen and blue eyes that sparkled in delight when confronted with a new discovery – Doctor Rodney McKay.

John imagined exploring a new galaxy with someone who had such a joy for discovery that it shone out of his soul like a beacon. Then he imagined McKay going to the Pegasus galaxy without John by his side. Without John there to look out for him, to keep him safe, and glancing down at the coin in his hand John flipped it over to 'heads'.

Fate wasn't all it was cracked up to be John concluded, and if he wanted to get to know the good doctor better then it would be a lot easier without several million light years between them.

There really wasn't anything here for him on Earth, but maybe there could be in Atlantis.

_"Don't resist_

_We shall exist_

_Until the day I die_

_Until the day I die_

_All mine…_

_You have to be."_


	2. I Don't Believe You Know Me

Series Title: - What the Eye Doesn't See…

Author: - Katt

Rating: - G (R eventually)

Pairing: - McShep

Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know

Disclaimer: - I own nothing, intend no infringement – please don't sue me.

Author's Notes: - A series of song fic which look at each episode of the show through slash tinted glasses. The song "I believe In You" is performed by Kylie Minogue and written by Kylie Minogue, Jake Shears and Babydaddy.

I Don't Believe You Know Me – Rising 1 (Rodney's POV)

_"I don't believe you know me_

_Although you know my name_

_I don't believe the faults I have_

_Are only mine to blame_

_I don't believe in magic_

_It's only in the mind_

_I don't believe I'd love somebody_

_Just to pass the time…_

_But I…I…I believe in you_

_And I…I…I believe in you."_

Elizabeth still wasn't sure if the Major would be joining the Atlantis expedition or not. It seemed Major Sheppard had a choice in the matter despite the fact he had the most powerful form of the Ancient gene yet found in any human. Rodney couldn't see why he couldn't just be ordered to go, wasn't that what the military were good at, ordering people around, they certainly hadn't had a problem with it when he'd been banished to Siberia.

Thinking about the Major and his genetics brought with it the inevitable spike of jealousy that Rodney tried very hard to push away. After all here he was a genius, the greatest mind of his generation and an expert in all things Ancient yet he was deprived of the vital gene. While an accident of birth gave it, and all its advantages, to a cocky flyboy who didn't seem to have enough sense to see how lucky he was.

Sheppard just sat in the control chair and conjured beauty up out of thin air effortlessly. Holographic images that shimmered and danced like starlight. While all Rodney could do was watch and burn with envy feeling the sour bite of bitterness in the back of his throat. Thoughtless words from long ago which had battered the already fragile psyche of a lonely, misunderstood child came back to haunt him – _"You have no art." _

Despite the fact Sheppard reminded Rodney of everything he was missing he always made sure he was in the chair room every time the Major had returned to sit in that chair. Although Rodney had tried to keep his distance he couldn't help but be drawn a little closer when the other man wove magic and made the stars themselves dance.

_"I don't believe that beauty_

_Will ever be replaced_

_I don't believe a masterpiece_

_Could ever match you face_

_The joker's always smiling_

_In every hand that's dealt_

_I don't believe that when you die_

_Your presence isn't felt_

_But I…I…I believe in you_

_And I…I…I believe in you."_

It was just to observe the chair and the gene in action Rodney told himself. If he made sure to press some artifact or other into the other man's hands brusquely asking him to 'think' it on while making sure to look anywhere but into the Major's face, it had nothing to do with warm green eyes that seemed to smile just at him or the feel of skin under his fingertips as their hands touched briefly. It had nothing to do with the long, lean lines of the body that would be laid out before him.

_And if you ever have to go away_

_Nothing in my world could ever be the same_

_Nothing lasts for ever, but together til the end_

_I'll give you everything I have again and again_

'_Cause I believe in you, I believe in,_

_I believe in you, I believe in,_

_I believe in you, I believe in,_

_I believe in you, I believe in."_

Rodney wondered briefly if he should contact Elizabeth again to see if she'd heard from the SGC about Sheppard yet, but stopped himself at the last moment. He'd told her he was interested in the Major's decision for the good of the mission, that someone with that strong a gene would be a vital asset, but if he kept asking maybe she'd become curious about his true reasons.

His true reasons. He couldn't tell her that he dreamt about green eyes gazing up at him as he felt that lithe body squirming under his. He couldn't tell her that the prospect of leaving Earth behind, perhaps forever, seemed a little less daunting with the thought of Major John Sheppard stepping through the stargate beside him. He couldn't tell her that despite the fact that Colonel Sumner and his multi-national force of marines were the best Earth had to offer he somehow just knew he'd be safer with one cocky flyboy there too.

_"I believe, I believe, I believe in you…"_


	3. Fly Away With You Into The Night

Series Title: - What the Eye Doesn't See…

Author: - Katt

Rating: - G (R eventually)

Pairing: - McShep

Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know

Disclaimer: - I own nothing, intend no infringement – please don't sue me.

Author's Notes: - A series of song fic which look at each episode of the show through slash tinted glasses. The song "Crash and Burn" is performed by Savage Garden and written by Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones. Also I know nothing about guns so please forgive any mistakes.

Fly Away With You Into The Night – Rising 2 (Rodney's POV)

_"When you feel all alone_

_And the world has turned its back on you_

_Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart_

_I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you_

_It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold_

_When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take any more_

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall _

_Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

_You're not alone."_

Why was he doing this? Wandering around the quiet, empty and pretty damned spooky corridors of a city that had been abandoned for ten thousand years on his own when he could be down in the labs putting the fear of God into his science team or in the commissary making sure he got his fair share of the coffee. He could be doing a thousand other things instead of trying, and so far failing, to track down one airforce Major. It wasn't as if he even knew what he was going to do or say to the man when he found him, after all what could you say to someone who'd had to kill his commanding officer?

Then again he'd read the concise report on the rescue mission that the Major had turned in to Elizabeth and while Sheppard's description of these Wraith scared the crap out of Rodney the thing that had stuck with him most was the clipped, emotionless way the Major had described how he'd killed Sumner. Somehow those terse few sentences didn't seem to fit the man Rodney had been observing for the past weeks before the expedition had gotten under way.

Then he'd over-heard some of the chat in the commissary from a few of the marines, from Sumner's men. A couple of them mouthing off about being led by an airforce officer instead of a fellow marine, implying that Sheppard hadn't done enough to rescue the Colonel. There had seemed to be an undercurrent of accusation and mistrust and Rodney had be glad when Lieutenant Ford had stepped forward to stick up for Sheppard telling the others to be quiet, that they didn't know what they were talking about. While the soldiers had quieted down Rodney got the impression that Sheppard had probably found few friendly faces amongst them after the details of the last mission had gotten out.

So he'd rashly decided to track the Major down himself and try and offer some kind of support to the other man. Although Rodney wasn't really the comforting type, touchy-feely "lets all share our inner-angst" really wasn't his style he found that the thought of Sheppard somewhere in Atlantis alone with this burden on his shoulders rather more than he could bear.

_"When you feel all alone_

_And a loyal friend is hard to find_

_You're caught in a one way street_

_With the monsters in your head_

_When hopes and dreams are far away and_

_You feel like you can't face the day_

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall _

_Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

_You're not alone."_

He'd been on the verge of giving up when the sound of rapid, steady gunfire had drawn Rodney towards an area of the city that he knew had been designated as the armoury and ordinance stores, and also the firing range. Just on a hunch he peeked in around the firing range door and saw a lone figure standing at one end of the room firing shot after shot into a distant paper target. Pulling one of the ear defenders from the rack by the door Rodney slipped into the room.

The smell of gun oil and cordite filled the room and as Rodney watched Sheppard took a step to the side abandoned his P-90 in favour of his 9mm and he began annihilating another paper enemy. Although Rodney could imagine that it wasn't paper targets that Sheppard was steadily decimating.

_"'Cause there has always been heartache and pain_

_And when it's over you'll breathe again_

_You'll breath again_

_When you feel all alone_

_And the world has turned its back on you _

_Give me a moment please _

_To tame your wild, wild heart."_

While the Major's attention never wavered from his task Rodney just knew that the other man knew he was there. As he studied Sheppard's back Rodney thought he saw a slight relaxing of his stance, the rigid shoulders that had been held so tightly seemed to drop just a little. Rodney wondered for a moment if he should try to speak, try to offer if he could some comfort that didn't sound like cliches or platitudes. Then he realised he didn't have to. He didn't have to say a thing, just the fact he was there seemed to be comfort enough to the other man so instead Rodney found a chair and sat down to wait until Sheppard had finished.

Although he felt a little guilty about it Rodney couldn't help the tiny warm feeling he got in the pit of his stomach at the thought that maybe Sheppard wanted him there, had hoped he'd come, and he resolved to make sure that he'd always be there for the other man if he could.

_"Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall _

_Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

_You're not alone."_


	4. My Star is Fading

Series Title: - What the Eye Doesn't See…

Author: - Katt

Rating: - PG (R eventually)

Pairing: - McShep

Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know

Disclaimer: - I own nothing, intend no infringement – please don't sue me.

Author's Notes: - A series of song fic which look at each episode of the show through slash tinted glasses. The song "Amsterdam" is performed by Coldplay and written by Berryman/Buckland/Champion/Martin.

My Star is Fading – Rising 2 (John's POV)

_"Come on, oh my star is fading_

_And I swerve out of control_

_If I, if I'd only waited_

_I'd not be stuck in this hole._

_Come here, oh my star is fading_

_And I swerve out of control_

_And I swear I waited and waited _

_I've got to get out of this hole_

_But time is on your side_

_It's on your side now_

_Not pushing you down and all around_

_It's no cause for concern_

_Come on, oh my star is fading_

_And I see no chance of release_

_I know I'm dead on the surface_

_But I'm screaming underneath."_

Squeezing the trigger John felt the recoil from the P-90 jolting his shoulder as round after round found its target. It wasn't the standard paper silhouette he was seeing though. Instead he visualised that red-haired bitch. He visualised the bullets reducing that monstrous visage to pulp. With each squeeze of the trigger he tried damned hard not to see Colonel Sumner's wizened, aged face. Although he was pretty certain that those desperate eyes silently begging him to end it would become a new feature in his nightmares.

It wasn't as if he didn't have enough memories to fuel his subconscious. Christ knows that fiasco in Afghanistan when he'd lost Mitch and Dex had never been far from his dreams. Dreams filled with screaming metal and screaming people, burning flesh and blackened bodies were not going to be the only dark images stalking his psyche it seemed.

Squeezing off another few rounds John wondered briefly what else would be joining Afghanistan and Sumner in the days and months to come, and he shuddered.

Maybe it was him. Some fucked up bad karma that didn't rebound on him, but rather on those around him. That made him think of McKay. One of the main reasons he'd decided to come to Pegasus was some kind of hero-complex he seemed to be suffering from making him think he could protect the scientist. Maybe he was just going to have the opposite effect and get the other man killed instead.

John could feel rage and despair, black and poisonous, welling up inside of himself and he had to fight against the urge to scream. Instead he crushed the darkness down and held himself even tighter wanting, needing, to feel in control.

_"And time is on your side_

_It's on your side now_

_Not pushing you down and all around_

_It's no cause for concern_

_Stuck on the end of this ball and chain_

_And I'm on my way back down again_

_Stood on a bridge, tied to a noose_

_Sick to my stomach_

_You can say what you mean_

_But it won't change a thing_

_I'm sick of the secrets_

_Stood on the edge_

_Tied to a noose_

_You came along_

_And you cut me loose."_

The skin on the back of his neck prickled as he sensed another person enter the room. He hoped it wasn't another of Sumner's men come to look at him with that mixture of disappointment, blame and suspicion that he was getting used to seeing on their faces. Ignoring the intruder John continued to fire at the paper target in front of him until he'd sliced it neatly in half.

Letting his P-90 rest against his chest he smoothly unholstered his 9mm and stepped sideways to take up a firing stance in front of the next target and it was then, in that moment of silence that seemed sharper and more acute because of all the previous noise, that he realised who the other person watching him was – McKay.

With that knowledge came some loosening of something deep inside him, some tight knot that twisted itself through his soul. McKay didn't speak and John was glad. Just knowing that the other man was there was enough. Just knowing that he wasn't alone made a little of the anguish he felt at Sumner's death ease a little.

_"You came along_

_And you cut me loose_

_You came along_

_And you cut me loose."_


End file.
